Author Archive: Charla

I just spent time watching our closest ape relatives, the Bonobos, at the San Diego Zoo. Just a couple of feet from me behind the glass, an adolescent Bonobo sat with his legs spread open, scooping warm sand and pouring it over his erect penis–then he’d stand up, shake off, sit back down and do it again.  The human children watching next to me were jumping up and down, laughing and asking Mama to look. (more…)

At the end of a couples intimacy or partner massage class I’m always amazed at how my body feels.  I’m touched by what my students say in the closing circle, “I’m happy to be alive, I’m aware of being love, I feel peace through my whole body.” I notice how the faces have softened in just a few hours. Gratitude envelopes the circle of not-so-long-ago strangers, and we speak of soulful things in whispery tones. (more…)

I just returned from visiting my Uncle Bob who at age 85 has started dressing as a “Lady.” My Aunt Eleanor died about a year and a half ago and he says, “I’ve always lived as others expected of me. I only have a small time left, and now I want to be me.” He certainly makes a handsome older lady in a tasteful dress, wig, makeup, and jewelry.  I noticed he had renewed energy and looked healthier since my last visit two years ago. I interviewed him with my video camera and even captured him and Mom, his 87 year old sister-in-law, playing cards like old times. (more…)

As an intimacy coach I run across men who want to involve their partner but don’t know how to introduce the idea. Or I run across women who want to come to a couple’s workshop, but think their boyfriend won’t. Face it; intimacy is scary, especially if it’s not your idea. We’re not sure what it means, what will be asked of us, if we’ll measure up, or if it means getting more of what already isn’t working (like more of the same sex).

Whew! Most of us are in the dark about what intimacy means. (more…)

The phone rang, it was my sexy California Lover.  I imagined him saying, “Honey, I miss you. I want you here. Please, come to California and spend Thanksgiving with me?” And being generous, he would add, “I’ll take care of your plane ticket.” (Because it’s a man’s world when it comes to money.) And to complete my fantasy invitation (and jump his bones when I get there), he’d throw in a teaser, “And I have a surprise for you.”

But that’s not how my lover “invited” me over.  He said, “Sounds like you don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving…You’d probably like to get out of Austin…I got invited over to dinner with friends…and I think they may want to meet you…” (more…)

On the eve of celebrating a birthday, one easily becomes introspective and even a little somber.  Birthdays, especially the decade ones, are milestones to measure how we are moving away or towards our life’s purpose. (more…)